Traditional schooling, by its very nature, has always been a bit hostile to boys because it makes them sit still. However, back in the day, boys were allowed to be physical (very physical) during playtime; they were given books that sparked their imaginations about bravery and adventure; they were inspired by brave, adventurous men in history; math and science were a major part of the curriculum; and competition was encouraged.
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All of that’s gone now, as the school environment has become increasingly feminized, with the emphasis on things girls like and things girls are good at, such as sitting still, playing quietly, and being fascinated by emotions—and that’s not even counting lectures about toxic masculinity or divergent sexuality (always good things for five-year-olds).
I noticed this when my children left the Montessori environment, which allowed boys to be boys (including moving around while they studied, as long as they kept their heads in the work), for a public elementary school. Suddenly, my bright, rambunctious little boy had to sit still all day, couldn’t play a little rough and competitively on the playground, and was forced to read sensitive books about feelings. He mentally checked out of education for the next 12 years.
It wasn’t just my son. In a painful-to-read opinion piece at the New York Post, Leonard Sax (MD and PhD), who is a physician, psychologist, and educational consultant, describes an even more stiflingly feminized environment than that which my son suffered through:
Over the past 25 years, I have visited more than 500 schools. I have seen first-hand how schools have become unfriendly to boys. Boys doing things that boys have always done – pointing fingers at each other, saying “bang bang you’re dead.” Drawing pictures of weapons. Throwing snowballs. All that now gets a boy in trouble.
When I graduated from my public high school in Ohio in 1977, boys outnumbered girls among the highest achievers — not only in my high school, but nationwide. Thirty years ago, Myra and David Sadker published their book “Failing at Fairness: How our Schools Cheat Girls,” documenting that achievement gap and showing how schools were keeping girls down.
That was then. Times have changed. Girls now outperform boys by wide margins in every content area K-12, including math and science. Girls now outnumber boys by more than 2-to-1 among high-school valedictorians. Young women are now much more likely than their brothers to attend college.
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The reason for this gap isn’t that girls have gotten better. It’s that boys have checked out. Once they decide that school is not for them—something that happens early in a feminized classroom—they, like my son, are done with it. (My son checked back in only when he discovered something he loved in college.)
I certainly saw that gap at my daughter’s college, which was 65% women and only 35% men, at least one-third of whom struck me as being gay. That she met her totally wonderful husband there is one of life’s miracles and a testament to both of them.
However, there is good news: School can be more balanced, with equal attention paid to boys and girls. They can still learn the same things (boys can read books by women and girls can learn computer coding), provided that the schools acknowledge that boys and girls often learn differently.
Sax says that, if you’re looking for schools for your children, whether boys or girls, check to make sure that (a) test scores are about even for both sexes and (b) the schools don’t pretend that the sexes are the same. For example, steer clear of the school that eschews phrases such as “girls and boys” in favor of nonsense things like “purple penguins.”
Boys don’t have to suffer in school if parents can choose schools that aren’t hostile to boys. This should be a priority; otherwise, a generation of young men will be lost forever.
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