Pollsters keep asking me about the midterms. I keep telling my iPhone to “Report Spam and Delete,” but they keep calling. Why would I ever answer them?
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Why would I come out as MAGA if, despite being protected by federal laws banning such harassment, conservative Supreme Court Justices—with their own police and the U.S. Marshals protecting them!—were tormented in their homes for months. Famous right-leaning speakers are routinely confronted by organized disruptions and physical intimidation. Conservative celebrities are always cancelled. Charlie Kirk.
If that’s what happens to powerful conservatives, why would I, a certified nobody, stick my neck out for a pollster? Why would any Deplorable? As my mother used to say, “Always give crazy a wide berth.”
But our reticence has once again given Demedia the opportunity to point to the polls and, with a glad huzzah shout with all their prodigious might, say that at last MAGA’s in retreat! Trump’s supporters are abandoning him for the warmth of commie collectivism: Higher Taxes! Open Borders! Vivisected children! Lia Thomas! DEI racism! Court-packing! Impeachmentzapoppin! Antisemitism! Coddling criminals! Homelessness aplenty! Content moderation! Nuclear Iran! Muslim Brotherhood! Soaring inflation! Mandatory vaccinations! Perpetual masking! Banning Dr. Seuss! Climate hysteria! Defunding cops! Lawfare! Land acknowledgements! Mostly peaceful protests! Gavin Newsom! AOC! Mamdani! El-Sayed! And, best of all, our boozy bar mate, Kamala!
According to Demedia, Trump’s non-war in Iran, tariffs, higher gas prices, and hectoring by Joy(less) Behar, Jake(obin) Tapper, and Kaitlan (naturally) Collins are driving MAGA into the loving arms of Karl Marx and Ayatollah Khamenei.
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Not so fast, my friend. Memories of the Biden maladministration are too raw to allow sane Americans to even consider not voting Republican.
But it wasn’t just the insanity of Biden’s policies, it was the legions of powerful, elite liars furiously covering them up that left MAGA feeling like we lived in Orwell’s truth-erasing Oceania. Were millions really running across the border or was it under control as Kamala and Demedia insisted? Was the president insentient, as our eyes and ears told us, or was he at the top of his game as all our elite institutions averred? Was the abandonment of Afghanistan a national disgrace or a strategic masterstroke? And on and on. Without the benefit of Ivy League degrees in doublethink, it left Deplorables feeling like the lone sober person at a Cornell frat party.
Say what you will about Trump’s mistakes, but nobody’s covering them up.
The truth is, the only way MAGA fails to vote Republican is if we all manage to graduate from Columbia University’s Institute for the Study of Sexuality and Gender between now and the midterms.
MAGA’s not responding to pollsters because Democrats are growing crazier and more violent each day. What’s in it for us if we respond? Besides, there’s intense pleasure in seeing the seasick expressions on Demedia’s election night Botoxed faces as they, once again, realize that the reports of MAGA’s death were greatly exaggerated.
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CNN, stick that in your government-provided pipe and smoke it.
Image created using AI.
Peter Merkl blogs at pmerkl.co.