Stepping away from my usually serious essays, may I offer something less existential? Advice on handshaking.
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Right up there in my top ten pet peeves are weak handshakes. Fewer things are more annoying. In many ways, shaking hands with someone you have just met reflects who you are. A good handshake is your first impression. It can go both ways.
I am an older person. Recently, I was introduced to a woman about 20 years old. I extended my hand and received back a flabby, soft hand. I gave her a semi-firm grip in return. It’s possible she was surprised at the firmness of my grip. But the gesture was meant to convey to her that handshakes telegraph the state of one’s mind. I was saying, “I’m genuinely glad to meet you,” while she was saying, “Yawwwn.”
In shaking hands with young people (and, disturbingly, some older people), I have personally had the misfortune to be handed a limp wrist and equally limp fingers. That is a bad handshake and conveys laziness, fear, boredom, insecurity, or bad manners. Did I say boredom? It seems that many young people are bored meeting older people, and they don’t hide it well, especially with their handshakes. That is not classy.
Among the lessons parents should teach children from a very early age is how to shake someone’s hand. Handshaking may be the first thing they may have to do when applying for a job, and it will set the tone for the rest of the interview. A young child with a firm handshake is impressive. Ditto older children.
A firm handshake can make or break a meeting. Ladies, listen up: Just because you are a woman, a delicate, limp handshake is not acceptable. It is, in fact, off-putting. By contrast, a woman who shakes hands firmly with other women or men is saying, “I have good manners; I respect you.”
Ladies, offer your hand before the other person does, whether he is male or female. Everyone, offer to shake hands with young people so they know this is a civilized custom and your firm handshake is civilized. You may surprise a young person by offering your hand, but you have also given him/her a lesson in good manners.
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When a woman offers her handshake to a man, she may expect a loose grip from the man because she’s a woman. In that split second, the woman should firm up her grip, which says, “I respect a firm handshake.” Watch it happen quickly. The woman wordlessly said, “I am not a weak woman. I give as good as I get.” Most men will respect this far more than a wet trout handshake.
Men should match a woman’s grip with a firm handshake, but should gently firm up to a woman with a wussy handshake. The message to the woman is, “Man up. You will get no special treatment in life.” NOTE: This does not apply to Karens. Just don’t even go there.
Teens, boys and girls, firm up your handshake, especially teen women. Surprise others with your handshake that says, “I’ve been well brought up and can hold my own. I am glad to meet you.”
It is bad enough that far too many young people are coarse, profane, and uneducated. We can at least teach them one small bit of civilized etiquette by teaching them to shake hands. We can, by our handshake, tell young people of both sexes that the world out there isn’t about to countenance your weakness.
The handshake is a time-honored way to greet someone with goodwill and confidence. Don’t muck it up by creating a flabby first impression. Those first impressions don’t go away quickly.
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Image created using AI.