Tampon Timmy Walz has defended pardoning child rapist Tou Lue Vang, who raped a ten-year-old child, by stating that no one should be judged by his worst day. Using Walz’s logic, I would submit several other individuals for Tampon Tim (let’s just call him TT)’s consideration.
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Let’s start with Lee Harvey Oswald. Sure, he killed JFK one Friday in Dallas, but Lee had a troubled youth. He served his country as a Marine. We shouldn’t hold one bad Friday against him. He surely deserves a TT pardon, even though Jack Ruby saved us the cost of a messy trial. We’ll just make the pardon posthumous.
Then there’s Osama bin Laden. On September 11, 2001, Bin Laden was responsible for the deaths of 2,996 people in the Twin-Tower-Pentagon-United Airlines Flight 93 disasters. His pardon will also have to be posthumous, thanks to SEAL Team 6, but let the history books note that there were a lot of days in his life when he didn’t kill anyone, and one bad September day shouldn’t define him, should it? What do you say, TT?
Walz might also consider exigent circumstances for some who admittedly had more than one bad day. Adolf Hitler comes to mind. Of course, there was all that Holocaust business, and a war he caused that killed an estimated 70 million individuals. But that guy with the funny mustache was a pretty good artist, and if he had been admitted to art school as he desired, he wouldn’t have had to cause all those deaths in retribution. Another posthumous award (I sense a pattern), thanks to the Führer’s own pistol.
Some more deserving individuals: John Wilkes Booth had a bad night at Ford’s Theater, but many thought he was a pretty good actor. Mao Zedong was responsible for up to 70 million deaths, just like Hitler, but his Little Red Book made him a bestselling author. If Jimmy Jones had been given the chance to make a Kool-Aid commercial, he likely wouldn’t have put the tasty concoction to such a vile use. Surely those guys are worth considering.
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The list could go on and on, but out of respect for this publication, one that has granted me space over a hundred times, I will end the cataloging of “deserving” pardonees. If American Thinker had not published my articles, there’s no telling what I might have done out of frustration. I might have needed one of those TT pardons — though, hopefully, not granted posthumously.
Considering the fact that Governor Walz will soon be unemployed, I would suggest that he head up a new organization dedicated to searching for folks deserving of pardons. Let’s call that organization “Pardons Instigated and Granted by a Schmuck,” or PIGS for short.
Bill Hansmann is a dentist and dental educator with over fifty years in the profession. He continues to teach and write political blogs and semi-mediocre novels while living with his wife and cats in Georgia.
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Image: Tim Walz. Credit: Lorie Shaull via Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA 4.0.